WHAT IS THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN LIKING AND LOVING, TO LIKE AND TO LOVE? AND

ALSO, WHAT IS THE BETWEEN ORDINARY LOVE AND SPIRITUAL LOVE?

THERE is a great difference between liking and loving. Liking has no commitment in it, loving is commitment. That’s why people don’t talk much about love. In fact people have started talking about love in such contexts where no commitment is needed. For example. somebody says ’I love ice cream.’ Now how can you love ice cream? You can like, you cannot love. And somebody says ’I love my dog, I love my car, I love this and that.’ In fact people are very very afraid of saying to a person ’I love you.’

I have heard: A man was dating with a girl, for months together. And the girl was of course waiting, waiting – they were even making love but the man had not said to her ’I love you.’ Just see the difference. In the ancient days, the ancients used to fall in love. Now people make love.

You see the difference? Falling in love is being overwhelmed by love; it is passive. Making love is almost making it profane, almost destroying its beauty. It is active, as if you are doing something; you are manipulating and controlling. Now people have changed the language – rather than using’falling in love’ they use ’making love’.

And the man was making love to the woman but he had not said a single time ’I love you.’ And the woman was waiting and waiting and waiting.

One day he phoned and he said ’I have been thinking and thinking to say it to you. It seems now the time for it has come. I have to say it; now I cannot contain it any more.’ And the woman was thrilled and she became all ears – for this she was waiting. And she said ’Say it! Say it!’ And the man said ’I have to say it, now I cannot contain it any more: I really like you so much.’People are saying to each other ’I like you.’ Why don’t they say ’I love you’? Because love is commitment, involvement, risk, responsibility. Liking is just momentary – I can like you, and I may not like you tomorrow; there is no risk in it. When you say to a woman ’I love you’ you take a risk.

You are saying ’I love you: I will remain loving you, I will love you tomorrow too. You can depend on me, this is a promise. ’Love is a promise, liking has nothing to do with any promise. When you say to a man ’I like you’ you say something about you, not about the man. You say ’This is how I am, I like you. I like ice cream too, and I like my car too. In the same way, I like you.’ You are saying something about you. When you say to a person ’I love you’ you are saying something about the person, not about you. You are saying ’You are lovely.’ The arrow is pointing to the other person, and then there is danger – you are giving a promise. Love has the quality of promise in it and commitment and involvement.

And love has something of eternity in it. Liking is momentary; liking is non-risky, non-responsible.You ask me: WHAT IS THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN LIKING AND LOVING? AND ALSO, WHAT IS THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN ORDINARY LOVE AND SPIRITUAL LOVE?

Liking and loving are different, but there is no difference between ordinary love and spiritual love.Love is spiritual. I have never come across ordinary love; the ordinary thing is liking. Love is never ordinary – it can’t be, it is intrinsically extraordinary. It is not of this world. When you say to a woman or a man ’I love you’ you are simply saying ’I cannot be deceived by your body, I have seen you. Your body may become old but I have seen you, the bodiless you. I have seen your innermost core, the core that is divine.’ Liking is superficial. Love penetrates and goes to the very core of the person, touches the very soul of the person. No love is ordinary. Love cannot be ordinary, otherwise it is not love. To call love ordinary is to misunderstand the whole phenomenon of love. Love is never ordinary; love is always extraordinary, always spiritual. That is the difference between liking and love: liking is material, love is spiritual.